Sea Changes: Learning to Go with the Flow
Change is hard, especially when it’s abrupt. And change is also beautiful. It allows us to grow, to step beyond our comfort zone and move in new directions.
I recently watched a program about music in the year 1971. The episode focused on Carole King. The narrator described her as the “sea change” for female singer/songwriters. The show noted that King opened up space for more women to be recognized, to step into their power and reach a place on the Billboard Top 40 charts.
King’s decision not just to sell her music for others to perform, but to showcase herself along with her songs, must have been hard in such a male-dominated field. I imagine it took a lot of courage.
That phrase, “sea change” stuck with me.
Time and tides
I imagine the gradual changes that the sea makes on the shore as the waves roll in and out, and how beaches and landscapes can drastically change when hurricanes hit.
Like the ocean’s changes on the shoreline, the beauty of a personal sea change is that both types are natural—the slow growth over time as we mature, and the more sudden, intentional changes we make when we decide to shift our lives in more dramatic ways.
I’ve definitely experienced both types of change in my life—the gradual changes that life brings, and the more abrupt changes that had to happen, because I had no choice.
I find it comforting to think of my personal growth as a sea change—that making choices by listening to Me and my needs can come about in a natural way. I’m OK with the reality of bumpy transitions as I stepped into myself in new ways.
What I’ve learned along the way is that our ability to be present with both the smooth and bumpy transitions—especially when they are uncomfortable or difficult—helps us feel a sense of equanimity, balance and steadiness in our lives.
Getting away from go-to responses
I haven’t always been good at staying with the discomfort. In the past I’ve used exercise, alcohol, and other substances to numb my uneasiness. Sometimes that old habit of avoidance still pops up. The difference is that today I can see my old “go-to” response for pain as a sign that a wounded part still needs some healing. As a result, I try to offer myself compassion instead of shame.
Our old patterns return when we’re distressed because the numbing works in the short term. We stop feeling the uncomfortable feelings. But when we numb, we don’t choose what we’re numbing. When we numb pain, we numb it all—pleasure as well as pain.
I’ve found that using the sea, or the ocean, as a metaphor for the changes in my life helps me see all the processes as natural, and to find a way of being and flowing with them as the changes ebb and flow. Although life and my feelings can feel like a hurricane in the moment, the calm seas and blues skies will return, as they always do.
What would it mean to dive in?
If you’re yearning to make changes but aren’t sure what that might mean in your life and relationships, or you’re not sure how to get there, let’s talk. Your sea changes are a beautiful and natural part of you and your growth as a wise woman.
Speaking of changes, the Woman Worriers podcast has a new name and a new focus! Beginning September 27, 2021, the podcast will be called Awaken Your Wise Woman. The shift has been a gradual change in the direction of the podcast. I hope you’ll tune in and listen! You can find new episodes at awakenyourwiseowman.com
Elizabeth Cush is a women’s life coach, a therapist, and the creator and host of the Woman Worriers and Awaken Your Wise Woman podcasts. She’s also the founder of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and has been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps women bring forth their inner gifts and live with more authenticity, ease and purpose. Click here if you'd like to know more about working with Elizabeth.
Photo by Yuliya Ginzburg—Unsplash