Biz's BLOGFor Sensitive Wise Women
Resources and inspiration from Elizabeth Cush
My Experience With IFS—internal Family Systems
The most basic assumption of IFS is that we all have parts. We are a system of parts that sometimes work well together and sometimes not so much. And at the core of our being we all have a Self. The loving, caring, compassionate, creative, curious Self.
Trusting Your Self
I think women in particular struggle with this more than most men for lots of reasons. I think men from an early age are almost encouraged to set boundaries, where women are encouraged to be people pleasers— kind, willing to compromise, saying “no” nicely. And when you’re taught to be a people pleaser, always taking care of other’s needs, it’s hard to be true to yourself.
Moving Through Self-Doubt, Imposter Syndrome and Shame
I like to imagine the Imposter like the Wizard in the Wizard of Oz. When Toto pulls back the curtain and he’s frantically pushing buttons for the sound, smoke and light effects, and he says, “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”
Just like the Wizard, the Imposter makes you feel like you need to make a dazzling light show or a smoke screen to distract everyone’s attention away from you, because although you might look like you have it altogether, you really are a poser and at any moment everyone will find out.
The Hidden Magic of Halloween
Halloween is fast approaching! For me, Halloween has always been a sign of fall, cooler weather, and the beginning of the holiday season.
Dressing up, wearing costumes, play acting, and improvising give us a chance to try on and inhabit the different parts of ourselves that we might feel uncomfortable exploring in our everyday life.
Sea Changes: Learning to Go with the Flow
Change is hard, especially when it’s abrupt. And change is also beautiful. It allows us to grow, to step beyond our comfort zone and move in new directions.
I recently watched a program about music in the year 1971. The episode focused on Carole King. The narrator described her as the “sea change” for female singer/songwriters. The show noted that King opened up space for more women to be recognized, to step into their power and reach a place on the Billboard Top 40 charts.
King’s decision not just to sell her music for others to perform, but to showcase herself along with her songs, must have been hard in such a male-dominated field. I imagine it took a lot of courage.
That phrase, “sea change” stuck with me.
Creating Space for Your Dreams
How often do you take the time to follow a dream—either a daydream or your remembered dream when you wake up?
How often do you let yourself be creative, have truly free time, or read a book because you want to?
Let’s Stand Fully in Our Self Worth
Has a part of you ever felt like you’re a fraud or not truly worthy of the respect or admiration that others give you? Do you shrug off compliments because it’s hard to receive them?
Can you change your relationship with your inner critic?
What if we could do things differently? What if we could change our relationship with ourselves, and make it a habit to be kinder, gentler, more fiercely protective of ourselves?
Learn to Support Yourself With Healthy Boundaries
Do you struggle with setting boundaries? Or work hard to avoid conflict? If so, you may be doing yourself a disservice. I’m much better at setting boundaries these days than I used to be, but it can still be a struggle—although I have learned that it’s worth the effort!
