Managing The Discomfort of Indecision
pause and breathe | photo by @brett_jordan—unsplash
This was originally published in my newsletter.
I recently I had to decide on whether or not to sign-up for an offer that a friend, colleague and a coach I work with had asked me to join.
I wanted to say yes for lots of reasons. I knew the woman offering the group. I knew they would curate a wonderfully meaningful experience. I knew they’d choose a good group of business owners/coaches that I could trust.
It was a big financial commitment, but I didn’t want to feel left out, or worry that I would miss a great opportunity.
And I really didn’t want to disappoint my friend, because I know, like and respect her‑and I hate disappointing people!
As an aside, I’m using a business decision as an example here but making decisions for personal opportunities can be just as hard!
This time around I decided I needed time to fully consider what saying yes or no would mean for me. The time, the money, the mental energy, the overall commitment to the group. There was so much goodness there and yet I found myself feeling a strong resistance to committing.
I let that be there. I didn’t push myself to say yes and pacify my good girl, people pleasing part. And I didn’t immediately reject the offer. Let me tell you, it wasn’t easy to sit in the indecision.
In our conversation, I was honest with her about why I was considering the offer and my reservations. And so, I asked her for time to think about it.
As a woman who grew up in the 60s and 70s, I wasn’t taught how to fully listen to my own needs without considering other’s needs first. I wasn’t taught how to manage the discomfort with difficult decisions. I wasn’t taught to trust that making a decision based solely on my own needs was okay.
I’ve had to learn that the discomfort of indecision—the guilt (I should say yes), the inner critical voice (can I really say no just because I don’t want to?), the fear of judgment (maybe they’ll be mad at me of I don’t say yes)— is all a part of being human.
Those uncomfortable feelings can actually give you insight into what you need and want, if you take the time to sit and listen. And that’s why, when making hard decisions, asking for some space to let all the feelings, and thoughts percolate is so important.
When we sit with the discomfort—we don’t push it away, tell ourselves to move on or get over it—and we allow the feelings beneath the distress to surface, our intuition and insight can come forward.
In the end, I said “No thank you. This is a great offer, but it’s not right for me at this time.”
You see, I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t overburden my schedule in the New Year. And that I wouldn’t sign up for anything else until I’d given myself space and time for more creativity and exploration.
I’m happy to say that declining the offer from my friend wasn’t as hard as it would have been in the past. Because I’m learning to trust my feelings and intuition, and I knew if I said yes, I would have felt disappointed in myself.
I continue to work on keeping the promises I make to myself— even when they feel hard.
Honoring your needs, keeping your promises to yourself, and saying no when you need to, are all skills and practices you can learn.
When you give yourself the space to sit with indecision, and really listen to yourself, you might find the answers were there all along.
Imagine what might make itself known if you take the time to listen to and honor all of your feelings.
Elizabeth Cush is a women’s life coach, a therapist, and the creator and host of the Woman Worriers and Awaken Your Wise Woman podcasts. She’s also the founder of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and has been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps women reduce stress and anxiety and live with more authenticity, ease and purpose. Click here if you'd like to know more about working with Elizabeth.