Where Do Your Needs Fall on Your List?
It’s so easy to put other’s needs first, to minimize our own, and to rationalize why it’s okay. How often do you say, “You decide. I’m okay with whatever.” If you paused for a moment and asked yourself what you wanted, you’d know you weren’t really okay with “whatever,” but you’ve gotten so used to giving away your choice that you barely notice that you do it.
Except maybe you feel a little twinge of frustration, or a little resentment bubbling up within. It might show up when you’re feeling overwhelmed or overburdened. When no one jumps in to help or asks if you need anything, you feel hurt.
Maybe you have times when it’s just too much. When you feel underappreciated, undervalued and angry, you blow up and scream at your kids or your partner about how ungrateful they are. It releases some of that pressure that’s built up, but it doesn’t fix the problem.
You’ve gotten so used to putting your needs at the bottom of the list—or maybe they’re not on the list at all—that you’re not even aware that you’re doing it. You’ve lost touch with You.
The impact of overlooking our needs
I get it. I continue to catch myself minimizing or outright ignoring what I need and what I want. It such an unconscious habit. It never leaves me feeling good about how easy it is for me to treat myself with such disregard.
I woke up sick recently. I had a bad stomachache, and my whole body hurt. Now, if my husband or kids, a friend or even a stranger said to me, “I feel sick,” I’d tell them to stay home and rest. Do you want know what I did instead? I got up, ate food that made my stomach feel worse, did some work, and then went to the grocery store —even though I felt nauseous.
My husband said, multiple times, “I’m happy to go to the store.” And he meant it! But for some reason, a part of me believed that if I admitted I was sick enough to stay home, I’d be judged. A part of me believed that I wasn’t really that sick. My “You’re Not Sick Enough” part said that I needed to push through the illness—that if I wasn’t throwing up or feverish, I should suck it up.
Looking back, this feels terribly inconsiderate of me, my body, and the people I encountered at the store. Especially in times of COVID, staying home when you’re sick shouldn’t even be up for debate.
But those old stories and messages pushed me forward instead of giving me the grace to allow myself to rest.
Later that day, I was able to pause and ask myself what I needed, because I was definitely feeling worse. I’m happy to say that I listened and took myself to bed.
Being mindful of your needs makes a difference
This experience has been sitting with me, because the choices I made were so ingrained, so unconscious. I wanted to share it so you know you’re not alone. Relearning how to take care of yourself takes time, practice and effort to undo the unconscious behaviors and thoughts.
I’ve seen the women I work with begin to understand the impact of leaving caring for themselves off their lists. I’ve seen the shift in them when they start to identify and prioritize their needs—to put themselves at the top of the list, where they belong.
When you develop a conscious awareness of the importance of your Care of Self:
You listen and are more attuned to your body and your intuition
You set boundaries with more ease
You’re more loving and compassionate towards yourself and others
I still need to be mindful of the unconscious messages and stories that I carry around about the value of my own self-care, and I continue to work towards shifting that dialog daily.
If you’d like to live more authentically, feel more at ease and put conscious effort into taking care of you, contact me. Together we can put you back on your list.
Photo by Green Chameleon | Unsplash