This essay was originally published in my June newsletter.

This Memorial Day weekend was spent helping care for my husband, Tom, as he recovered from a hip replacement—amazing they can replace joints but that’s another conversation.

I’ve cared for him a few times over the years for other health issues and surgeries and this time around I’ve been mindful of taking moments to care for myself.

For me, one of the worst parts is the time spent in the hospital. There’s so little control, and so little to do except wait. And sitting in chairs that are rarely made for comfort for hours. Ugh.

Caring For Yourself

If you’re a helper and empath like me, you can probably rise to the crisis or situation, but afterwards the “fight” response it takes a toll on your health. So, taking care of your nervous system — taking care of yourself while you care for others — is important.

Do you have kids? If so, I’m sure you remember being told, nap when the baby naps. Well, this holds true for you as a caregiver. You need rest too! But it’s not always easy to get if you’re “on-call.”

Here are a few things that I’ve put in place this time around that have helped me be better to myself and Tom.

• Find time to rest when you can. Moments of quiet, a short nap, a soothing meditation can refuel you for when you’re needed next.

• Journal how it’s going. What do you need? How are you feeling? What are your frustrations and joys? How is your body today? What are you noticing about yourself? Write anything that puts what’s happening inside you on paper.

• Get outside for a bit if you can. Take some deep breaths. Feel the sun, or the air on your skin. Listen to the sounds around you.

• Lean on your supports. You’re a nurturer and compassionate, you might forget that there are others who want to support you too.

If you’re doing caregiving through a recovery, remember that this will end.

If you’re a long-term caregiver, get support. Get some relief if you can. Being a full-time caregiver takes a toll on you. When you can, get back in touch with yourself away from the caregiver role.

You’ll feel all the feelings because you’re a human. So, be sure to practice lots of self-compassion. It’s not easy being caregiver.