This essay was originally published in my newsletter.

When Life Feels Like Groundhog Day

This morning as I re-adjusted the kitchen carpet again.  I was frustrated that I had to keep putting it back in the place I wanted it to be. As I cursed under my breath, I wondered if it would ever stay in place or would I be adjusting it forever.

And that got me thinking about our healing journey. Healing is never linear. When life gets stressful, or crappy things happen, our young parts get activated and you find you’re repeating old patterns you thought you’d “fixed”.

And each time you fall back into old patterns, behaviors, or ways of being you might wonder if this will ever end. You might be asking yourself, “Will there be a time when I don’t make the same mistakes, or think the same things, or do the same things?”  Will I ever fully heal?”

The reality is you’ll probably have the ups and downs that come with healing old wounds forever. Because as you move through life new situations, people, and experiences bring up new versions of “old” stuff.

And as frustrating as it is to repeat painful experiences, your brain and body are learning. Each time you recognize an old pattern repeating itself, that awareness lands in your body and brain. It’s like they’re saying to you, “Oh yeah, I remember that. And I remember that I’ve learned to do/be/feel differently.”

And if you can relate to yourself with compassion when it feels like you haven’t made any progress, that’s progress!

Your awareness of the repeated patterns is a part of the re-learning.

Responding with compassion is part of doing things differently.

Being okay with some ups and downs helps your nervous system reset faster.

So, the next time it feels like life is on rewind, remind yourself it’s all a part of the journey.

And maybe today my rug will begin to remember where she needs to be.