Over the years, I’ve written a lot of blog posts and articles about the need for self-care, self-compassion and self-expression. Upon reflecting, I can see that I was trying to find my way back to me, to the place that feels like home.

I can remember times when my chest would tighten. I’d go quiet and turn inward, and I’d feel so out of place in my own life. I couldn’t even say why at that moment those feelings arose at that time. But I felt like there wasn’t room for my feelings, my voice, my needs, for me.

Looking back at that time and the woman I was, I want to say to myself, “Slow down. Pause. Give yourself the space and time to feel—really feel—all the things. And be kind to yourself, especially when things feel really hard.”

I was very good at being attuned to what others needed and shutting down or shaming myself for my feelings. And it took me a long time to find my voice in relationships. To be honest, sometimes I still struggle with this.

Making space for myself

My husband and I recently spent some time in Lewes, Delaware. We recently bought or future retirement home there, and we wanted to spend some time living in the space to figure out how to make it feel like home. 

While we were there, we spent most days together, working remotely in different rooms—but under the same roof all day. I became anxious and quiet. I turned inward, because I found it so hard to claim my space in this new home to meditate, write, exercise and just be alone. It brought back feelings I hadn’t experienced in a long time.

Fortunately, I now recognize my pattern of turning inward and becoming quiet. I was able to get curious and hold compassion for those parts of me that struggle to speak up. I sat with all the difficult feelings that arose. Then I was able to share how I was feeling and give myself what I needed to feel at home in myself again.

The journey home

The practice of self-compassion has had a huge impact on my relationship with myself. It’s hard for me to put into words how deeply it’s changed me. To be able to love and care for myself, even when I’m struggling in really difficult moments, has opened the door for more vulnerability, more authenticity, more tears, more laughter—more of me. It’s allowed me to feel fully at home within.

When we learn to trust ourselves enough to feel how we’re feeling, when we offer ourselves compassion for the struggle, we begin to feel authentically connected to ourselves and to others, and that’s the greatest gift of all. 

Photo by Joyce McCown | Unsplash